The Last Poem

আজ অনেক দিন বাদে কেন জানি না খুব মনে করতে ইচ্ছে হলো কিছু ফেলে আসা মুহুর্তগুলোকে । কাল রাত এর effect হয়ত । শেষের কবিতা পরছিলাম । এটা  নাকি বাংলা romance এর landmark novel । হা আমিও মনে করি। অমিত আর লাবন্যের মত প্রেম সাধারণ মানুষের জীবন এ আসে না।তারা বিশাস করত বিয়ে থেকে প্রেম এর ক্ষতি হয়,প্রেম এর সেই সারল্য থাকে না,যে প্রেম আমাদের ক্ষণে ক্ষণে  মুগ্ধ  করে,রাতের ঘুম কেড়ে নেই,বিবাহ মানে যেন সেই লুকোচুরির অবসান,সেই গোপনতার অবসান,বিবাহের পরে জীবন যেন এক খোলা চিঠি র মত,সবাই দেখতে পারে। কিন্তু সেই প্রেম তো তারা চায়নি।তারা চায়নি একে অপরক বদলাতে। তারা তাদের মধ্যেকার মানুষ কে  হারাতে চায়নি ,তাই তারা বেছে নেই আলাদা রাস্তা,অন্য জীবনসঙ্গী বেছে নেয়।  মানুষ এর বিশ্বাস যে বিবাহ মানে প্রেম কে সমাজ এর চোখে আলিঙ্গন করা। বিবাহ মানে দুজন দুজন এর মনের দরজাক খুলে দেওয়া। কিন্তু যেটা আমাদের জীবন এ সব চাইতে মূল্যবান হয় সেটার ভুল ত্রুটি কেউ জানতে চায় না। তার ভুল গুলোকে  পিছনে ফেলে তার সৌন্দির্যকে উপভোগ করতে চায়। সেটাতেই তো নেশা আছে আর বিবাহ যেন একটা নিয়ম মেনে চলার মতন,সেটাতে কিছু আইন কানুন আছে,এই সকালে একসাথে ওঠো,একসাথে TV দেখো,আবার রাত হলে একসাথে ঘুমিয়ে পড়। সেটাতে কোনো হারানোর ভয় নেই,কোনো দূর এ চলে গেলে তাক রোজ দেখার চাহিদাও নেই।

আজ থেকে কিছু বছর আগে যখন প্রথম ভালোবেসেছিলাম একজনক,তখন রোজ তাকে দেখার জন্য কতই না কষ্ট করতে হয়েছে।স্কুল এর ground এ দাড়িয়ে থাকতাম রোজ তার প্রতিক্ষায়। অপেক্ষা গুলো মন্দ লাগত না তখন,সেটাতেও যেন একটা অদ্ভুত শান্তি ছিল।লোকে ভাবত মেয়ের  দ্বারা তো প্রেম হবে না।কিন্তু হয়েই গেল শেষ মেশে। কাউকে ভালোবেসে যে এতটা আনন্দ পাওয়া যায় সেটা প্রথমবার বুঝেছিলাম। চোখ দুটো যেন আলো  দেখল,মন টা যেন সর্গ পেল।ওর  আসতে মনে হয়েছিল যেন আমার জীবন এর অনেকটা অংশ খুব খালি ছিল।ওর  আসার পরে পরে সেই emptiness আর থাকল না।জীবন টাকে  সম্পূর্ণ মনে হলো। তারপরে একদিন ও চলেও গেল। আজক  ও খুব খুশি। ওর জীবনে আবার প্রেম এসেছে। facebook এ ওদের ছবিগুলো দেখলে আজ ও খুব হিংসে হয়,আমি আগে ওর  খুশি চাইতাম,ভাবতাম কি করলে ওক একটু হাসান যায়,কিন্তু আজ বুঝলাম ভালোবাসা  অতটাও selfless নয়,ভালোবাশতে গেলে একটু selfish হতে হয়,তাই মনে মনে ওক বলি আমাক কেন ভুলে গেলে?আমি কি কোনদিন ও তোমায় কিছু দিতে পারিনি ? আমার মনে পরত ওক লেখা চিঠিগুলো। আজক তো কেউ একুকে চিঠি লেখে না।কিন্তু আমি লিখতাম আর মনের সব দুক্ষগুলক উজার করতাম।যদি ও একবার আমার চোখের জল গুলোক মুছে দেয়।আমরা cinema র  hero  fantasize করি,কিন্তু প্রথম প্রেম সেই hero র ও উর্ধে। প্রথম প্রেম এর টান আছে, ব্যথা আছে,স্মৃতি আছে,হয়ত জীবন এ সেগুলো দুবার ফিরবে না।আমি রোজ ভাবি যে আজ যদি ও আমার জীবন এ থাকত তালে কি আমি অক এতটাই ভালোবাসতাম ?হয়ত সময়ের  সাথে ওক  আরো চিনতাম,আর  অনেক কিছু আমার খারাপ লাগতে লাগত,এমনিতেও ও আমার থেকে অনেকটাই আলাদা ছিল,আজক হয়ত আরো বদলে গেছে,তখন কি মেনে নিতে পারতাম মাথা নত করে?হয়ত পারতাম না,তাই মনকে একটা আশ্বাস দি,ওক  হারিয়ে ভালই হয়েছে,ওক মাঝে মাঝে যে মনে করতে পরি,ও আমার মনের মধ্যে এতটুকুও অপ্রিয় নয়,অনেকটা সম্মান করি,কিছুটা ভালবাসি,অনেক অভিমান আছে হয়ত,শান্তিও অনেকটাই কম,কিন্তু জায়গাটা সেই একই আছে।হয়ত অমিত আর লাবন্য সেটাই চাইতো। ভালোবাসেনি যে কোনদিন সে অত গভীর ভাবে ভালোবাসাক চেনে না,আর ওরা চিনেছিল ওদের কবিতা দিয়ে,ওদের সম্পর্ক টা  শারীরিক মিলন বা চক্ষুশ আকর্ষণ নয়,বা দৈনিক জীবনযাপন এ হারিয়ে যাওয়া প্রেম নয়,ওরা ওদের প্রেম কে চিরস্থায়ী রাখতে চেয়েছিল দুরে থেকে,বিবাহ দিয়ে নয়,কিছু পাওয়ার জন্য সত্তি কিছু হারাতে হয়..

Simplicity Lost..

The other day I was having a talk with my best friend on the various books we have read till now.As we discussed about the authors and their signatures styles,she and I arrived at a common point-the loss of simplicity in stories nowadays.For today's readers,literature is often confused with complex stories,things we barely understand,characters that don't connect with us.I enjoy reading Haruki Murakami,but even his stories don't speak to me,they make me think and wonder,but they are not the people whom we meet everyday.As Orhan Pamuk rightfully stated in his book "Other Colors" - "To write well is to allow the reader to say 'I was going to say the same thing myself,but I couldn't allow myself to be that childish.' "Stories make you think and help you figure out solutions,they make you realize that you are not the only one who has faced difficult times,even this character has,stories are the ones that make you cry,talk to yourself as you read and make you laugh when you think how silly of him to do this.And these stories are not the ones written by Murakami,in real world,people don't sleep with their alleged mother's ghost or talk to frogs.Often authors write about real world problems but make them way to compliciated to understand like Arundhati Ray's "The God of Small Things". And that's where Ruskin Bond,J.K Rowling,R.K Narayan,Khaled Hosseini make their mark.Even Harper Lee and John Steinbeck write fantastic stories in local dialects and weave beautiful stories based on  their own experiences.Just think why do you love Harry Potter so much?Because he makes us cry,he makes us proud and feel different about ourselves.I have already spoken about how I feel when I read Ruskin Bond's stories,his language is so lucid but his words and experiences make me feel "Yes,I was in this exact situation once".Ruskin's stores make me nostalgic and influence me more than the biggies in literature.I honestly don't admire Virginia Woolf because her stories are more or less depressing and my childhood,my life are not that depressing.Stories are not meant to make you feel depressed or suicidal,they can make you sad but in the end you feel a positive vibe,you feel like you have someone's hand,someone's support in your life to move forward.This simplicity and warmth are really missing nowadays and whenever I start reading a book,I often wish,please god,don't make it all messed up.Books are the best companions one can have,they don't ask for anything,they give,but they are not supposed to suck self-esteem and hope out of you.Think about Rabindranath Tagore's short stories,precise and charming.Think about Saratchandra,no wonder he was called the Kathashilpi.His stories spoke about the daily struggles of common people,and that's why people still read his books,Stories make the authors immortal and they earn them a place in the reader's heart forever.So isn't it better to write something our minds can decipher,something that is worth remembering?

He and She

I hope, by this time, everyone is familiar with the #HeForShe speech given by Emma Watson last year.What makes it one of the most iconic speeches of modern times?It doesn't speak solely for women's rights,it advocates for men and women rights.As she rightfully pointed out, “It is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum, instead of two sets of opposing ideals. If we stop defining each other by what we are not, and start defining ourselves by who we are, we can all be freer, and this is what HeForShe is about. It’s about freedom.”

Both men and women are victims of gender inequality.

With the rise of women,there has been a lot of skepticism about the laws that have been implemented, and it's true most of them favor women.There are lots of women who have misused these laws for their own advantages and ruined the lives of men.But these crimes go unnoticed because of an extremely distorted belief that men are NEVER victims,they are always the criminals.They are devoid of sensitivity,pain and misery.While, a woman getting raped garners attention from the media and a lot of support from the masses, a man getting raped is something that is never talked about.But a man's pathos has always remained unnoticed.I was talking to a friend a few months ago regarding his family problems.I asked him to share his load with me so that I can help him,but he said,he is a man,and men should never talk of their troubles.I told him that all human beings should express their feelings irrespective of their gender.I have seen my own father suffering but he has never shared it with his family.And I think this is a very common observation in most families.While women express themselves more freely,men suffer in silence and there are times they actually succumb to depression and anxiety by committing suicides.Similarly,when a girl is born,she is taught to be polite and submissive.She is asked to bow to a man because that's what qualifies as a womanly attitude.Girls are still married off at a tender age and their immature wombs are forced to breed children.While,it's a common belief that women are victims of body-shaming,recent studies indicate that men are victims too.A recent survey was carried out where men were asked to choose what they think of as a perfect male body.Most of them voted for a muscular one.But the women are not to be blamed here,because they don't have any such criteria.It's the men themselves who suffer from such insecurities. It's really shameful that even today,we are gullible to such prejudices,even the educated and the influential ones have failed to change the way we think.

There are more than just biological differences between men and women.

I have seen men and women fighting over the internet defending their gender,but if we stop once and ponder over why exactly we are fighting,we shall see,it's not because men are bad or women are terrible,it's because the societal system is itself wrong.It imposes certain stereotypes on us and we are bound to follow them to survive.When a man is born,he isn't taught to become a good human being,instead he is taught NOT to become a woman.Even today,we make fun of effeminate men because of the hugely flawed portrayal of masculinity as men being strong and aggressive.Women are similarly taught not to be men and this goes on for centuries.Two genders fighting against each other,when one is benefited,the other is victimized.No one ever says this has to stop.No one ever says, that men and women should complement,not contradict each other.You can be a man and still like the Pink colour,you can be a woman and still ride the bike.

In the recent times,there has been a lot of women bashing over the internet because of women enjoying all the privileges and men being left out.It's because of the massively advertised feminist campaigns,feminism is becoming synonymous to man hating,and I will agree with some men who are saying that for many women,feminism means permanent dominance over men,There are very few women who are actually advocating for equality.Men have been victims to false rape accusations and false dowry cases,but these women have not been punished as severely as men are punished for the same amount of crime.So where is the equality?While giving big talks about the necessity of feminism has become a very popular norm nowadays,everyone seems to have forgotten that such radical feminism might actually lead to harsh consequences in the future with men and women falling apart.

I think after reading this,you and I have all arrived at the same conclusion-Gender should not be used as means for discrimination any more.It's time that we stop thinking about our gender's welfare and concentrate on humanity's welfare.It's time we stop pointing  fingers towards our gender when we fail or achieve. Let gender not be an issue or an identity.Let's accept that it exists and cannot be shunned, but it can be considered insignificant.

View my article at:http://www.universitybeats.in/2015/07/19/he-and-she/

Sleeping away

"And miles to go before I sleep,and miles to go before I sleep.."

When I was in class 10,we had this poem in our syllabus.I wasn't much of a poetry fanatic at that time,little details,hidden meanings didn't interest me.But those were the things that attracted the examiners and we would have to learn an entire summary on why did the poet write these exact lines.Not that I cared,but these lines affected me deeply.more than anything else.Sleep in the sense slumber and sleep in the sense the eternal sleep-death.Poets are geniuses,they play with words,they play with minds,I don't understand why poetry is still so underrated when it can make a greater impact on someone's mind,it can leave you bedazzled forever.But what do we know of the ways of men and women?

Anyways,as I was saying,these lines are the world's best lines according to me.And they mean so much right now when I am about to sit for my placements,a crucial episode of my life,a new beginning.I spent the last two months sitting infront of the laptop screen,solving problems.I started writing this blog and I also finished a couple of great books.And now when the time draws to an end,I realize there are miles to go before I sleep.I haven't slept much since a long time.All those untraveled miles have kept me awake.There is so much to do and so little time left.Sometimes,I think of my childhood when the holidays meant endless games and long siestas.I had dreams of colouring the world with my little hands and I had so much time.I spent all the time playing and playing.But,I have no time now.Time is scarce and this is the time I have to change the world.I wish  I could go back and bring me some more time but this is what I have now.So many miles and no sleep.Maa always tells me that one day,I'll have plenty of time to rest my legs.I keep believing her like deluded child hoping that day will soon come,but as the time flies past me,I keep getting busier and more thoughtful.There are times I don't want to grow old,as I feel myself being dragged into more responsibilities,but what choice do I have?I keep molding myself with the waves of changes and the more I change,the more I feel being plunged into some darkness.Sleep,that's something I need.And it keeps getting out of my hands and I wait for my eyes to close at the end of the day.

Don't you feel like you have spent a lot of time running?You have run madly for something but the only thing that mattered the most was a nice sleep under the warmth of blankets,as you shut your eyes,you shut your mind to the rest of the world and you slip into some deep abyss from where you never want to come out-sounds just like death.

Ruskin and I

 

“What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.”

-J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

This is the exact feeling I get when I read one of Ruskin Bond's books.He is one person whom I have never seen in flesh and blood but whenever I read his books,I feel like penning a letter to him and giving him the biggest hug.If there was any person whom I would ask to write my biography,it would be him.My tryst with Ruskin began with “A Handful of Nuts”.If anyone has ever read his books,most of his books are memoirs.He speaks of his journey as a struggling author living in Dehradun with a guy named Sitaram,the annoying but resourceful son of a local dhobi.At that time he was quite broke and yet someone whose dignity was his most important aspect.He befriended a number of people including the Maharani of Magador who tries to develop sexual relations with the young author.As I read the book,I seemed to discover a person who is so much similar to me.He is one person who has never given up on his dreams and followed his passion of writing despite financial problems.And I found myself empathazing with him as I had been in his position once.I struggle everyday for a job to meet my needs,and yet I cherish the burning desire to be a writer someday or may be a musician,and tour all over the world.Our likes and dislikes both seem to match.He and I are both ardent lovers of hills.I often find my family complaining that they have never been to the sea for a long time because of me.I always wanted to live in a small cottage ensconsed in the heart of the mountains.I will be alone like Kafka Tamura, roaming around naked in my own cottage,where the only sound will be the silence of the woods and the occasional chirping of birds.Ruskin Sir lives in Landour, a small town in Mussouri.And he is an occasional visitor to the local bookshop where he spends his time with book lovers.I cannot imagine a more perfect life than his,he lives alone and unmarried,away from the hullabaloo of the world,he has no connection with the virtual world of facebook or twitter and yet he maintains such a magnificent presence in the hearts of his fans.His solitude,his happiness,his softness all seem to remind me of my own traits.He could have been my soul mate,but unfortunately,it's not possible in this birth.

I discovered Ruskin more through his autobiographical novel, “Scenes from a Writer's Life”.A child who was abandoned by his mother and who grew up in the shadow of his loving father.The letters his father used to send him left me teary eyed.Ruskin reminds me of the people that I have lost once and old friends whom I had to bid farewell.I remembered my old town where I grew up,where I made lots of friends but then one day I left them in search of a better life.I often used to think I would meet them someday,but that time never came,I changed as I indulged myself in the pleasures of the city life.The same thing happened with Ruskin.He had a friend named Somi whom he never saw after he came back from England.These are his exact words about him-

“To return to Somi,he was one of those friends I never saw again as an adult,so he remains transfixed in my memory as eternal youth,dream-bright,unchanging..I have often dreamt of Somi,and it is always the same dream..We meet in a fairground,set up on the old parade ground.In the dream I am a man but he is still a boy”

I have often felt the same way about my own childhood friends-how they have always remained eternally young in my imagination,and whenever I close my eyes I can see them prancing around me.Nostalgia-one of the strongest emotions a man has,and Ruskin Bond is full of it.

Reading his book is reading my own life.A few days ago I penned a birthday letter for him,but unfortunately there was no way I could mail it to him.So,I shared it on his fan page.I could feel the goosebumps when I inscribed every word in the letter and my voice choked when I told about it to my mother.It was like writing a letter to a long lost friend.I don't know if I will ever get to know him personally,but I think,I know him well enough.It's like both of us were so meant for each other,we have shared a journey together but in different parts of the world and in different times.But I found him in his beautiful books-a beautiful person who turns the mundane and hopeless world around him into a place full of love and peace.His books open doors to his heart and I love to get lost in it again and again.