Shame

She smiles at him.He looks at her.She gives her an alluring glance as she crosses her legs while his glance remains fixated on her skirt.She gets up,she flaunts a big diamond ring,he follows her but she gets lost in the crowd.He sighs with exasperation,as his eyes frantically search for the stranger girl.

He has spent nights alone in his apartment,watching porn in his laptop,masturbating more than often,and avoiding his sister who calls every morning,and desperately seeks his help.He walks around at night like a predator in the body of a gentleman and hunts for women he can have sex with.He doesn't look for the warmth of a human company,he only seeks the pleasures of being entwined with a naked body.He can't sleep as he pictures his colleague naked in bed with him,but cannot approach her out of intimidation.

"Shame" is  a movie about a topic that is spoken in hush hush,a man in his 30s dealing with his sex addiction all by himself,he wants to get rid of it,but it keeps on dragging him deeper into the abyss.He alienates himself from his surrounding world where people go for relationships;instead he chooses to have cam sex with girls on porn channels,and sleep with prostitutes.He cannot have sex with the woman he actually admires,and he loathes himself for that.

He doesn't feel the need of a wife or a lover.But in his insides he is a soul in search of another soul who can understand his agony.

He keeps his sister away from his life,but eventually he has to confront her about his problems when she finds him in an inappropriate position in the bathroom.She tries to help him,and asks him to help her get through her depression,but instead he puts his feet down.He turns her away and behaves like an escapist every time she approaches him to help him out,he doesn't give a damn about her presence in his life.

But then one night when he is away from his home,in his usual hunt for women,and ends up having sex with a man,he runs back home.He cannot reach his sister,she doesn't return his calls,he feels scared of losing the only person he cares for.

She has committed suicide.He sees her hands that are bleeding,her body lying in a pool of blood,he cries and cries,holds her body against his and tries to stop the bleeding.

She survives,but he feels helpless.A man who has no one is this world except for his sister,a man who pries on women like a wolf,but has a heart inside that weeps for comfort.And love,endless love.

He breaks down,he knows the world will desert him if they know who he is,what he is.

"Shame" is a movie that speaks about those people who we call perverts,horny guys who get turned on at the sight of women,who keep loads of magazines at home,keep nude pictures of women in the closet,cannot feel comfortable with women who desire them truly,it is about those men who need psychological help,support from their families to get over this addiction.

It gives us a clearer picture of a society,that is so sophisticated in the outside,but insides they hide their disorders,their ugly habits and inhuman desires.

It encourages us to take a step forward and express ourselves,so that we don't forever live in the darkness of these hidden identities,to break the taboo around speaking about things that shouldn't be addressed in  public.

It is a movie that deserves appreciation from every viewer for making this seem natural and curable.

Thanks to Michael Fassbender,for being such a realistic portrayal of Brandon.I honestly believe he deserves more appreciation than what he has gotten till now.The amount of diligence he shows towards the art,is beyond our reach of understanding.He shows what profanity is supposed to look like,real,haunting and something that deserves sympathy and not an eye of ignorance.

Well,I personally think everyone should watch this.It's not a movie,it's a true story,of thousands of people.

To the one who still sings in whispers

Hey Kurt!Happy Birthday.Yes,another year we spend without your pretty face while you watch over us from heaven.



How is it?Death,did it hurt?



Did you see your mother's face when you closed your eyes for the last time,did you see her running after you as you cycled for the first time,did you see your sister crying when you took away her cookies,did you see your father when he made that goofy face as you blew your birthday candles?

Did you see Tracy when she first went out with you on a date,did you see Courtney smoking up a weed as she walks around in her pregnant self-loathing demeanor,did you see Frances standing at the altar in the wedding gown,while your eyes brim with tears.

Kurt,you must feel so young right now as we slowly age in our insignificant lives,taking baby steps towards our end,do you see the cliff from where you took the leap of faith,when that bullet left your body?Did you feel like running away from that space and evade those final moments,and see your wife and daughter again.Did you try to pick up the pen and write another song about your utter abhorrence towards your existence,did you feel like strumming the guitar and say a few hateful words to the people who came to pick up your body,as it lay in a pool of blood,were you watching Courtney when she wept with your baby who didn't know she has lost a father,forever..

Kurt,sometimes I feel,I will die just like you,away from everyone that I love,I feel I will die young and unwanted just like you,I will start pitying myself,I will start ignoring the stuff I like to do,I will lock my books away.I don't sing anymore,rarely,earlier,I used to sing like a fucking radio and people could hear my voice coming out of the bathroom window.I feel like I want to hide myself from the world,did you feel like this?



But everybody says this is just a phase,there is always light at the end of the tunnel.



And it is definitely true.



The tunnel might just be longer and darker in case of some people,but it always ends somewhere bright and sunny.



You just couldn't get through that tunnel and look at the brighter side of your life.You would have been 49 today,a proud father,a successful musician,the frontman of Nirvana,one of the best bands in the world and you would have rocked the stage like old Paul McCartney.



You see life is not about the bad things after all,it's just those bad things make us more humane,those bad things give purpose to the good ones,and make us understand what is happening around us.



I am discovering myself everyday,I make so many plans,I buy new stuff,I try new clothes,I rant about my day to my friend,and in the end,it seems,my life is so much better than the others.



Kurt,you could have achieved so much,when this world started losing its sanity,and started being less optimistic,you could have entertained them with a story,"hey guys!here's a story..once I almost pulled a trigger through my brains,but I stopped myself,and look here I am alive and awake.I gave up on my drugs because my daughter wanted me to be a normal dad who helps her with her homework,and my wife asked to mow the lawn on weekends.On holidays  visit my mom,dad and sister at Aberdeen and we still think about the time we were together as a family.It feels so special to be reborn again"



You know that should have been you,not the person who still survives in his 27 year old hippy image.


Anyways,I hope death is treating you well,I still listen to your songs,and so do millions of people who love you.

"I just thought to myself that in the palm of my hand,there was this one tape that had all of these memories and feelings and great joy and sadness.Right there in the palm of my hand.And I thought about how many people have loved those songs.And how many people have got through a lot of bad times because of those songs.And how many people enjoyed good times with those songs.And how much those songs really mean.I hope the people who wrote those songs are happy.I hope they feel it's enough.I really do because they made me happy.And I'm only one person"

-The Perks of Being a Wallflower

 

This is to you Kurt,for 5 years of your music that is still playing in a loop for more than two decades.Happy Birthday again!

 Take care!

A Letter to Ross

Dear Ross,

You are my favourite.Why?Because I am the Ross in real world,well female Ross.When I see people mocking you for being divorced thrice,I see the pain inside you,because I have had failed relationships,I have lost friends.I see a person in you who has always given more importance to others' happiness,understood others and kept aside his own feelings.I felt so proud of you when you walked Carol down the aisle,like her true family and handed her over to her lover,Susan,the woman who had cost you the love of your life.It takes so much courage to give away someone who belonged to you once.I saw you giving up Emily to protect your friendship with Rachel,because hey!she might be one hell of a bitch,but yeah,she still means a lot to you.After all,you were on a break.And no one gets it.When you drove your car all the way just to rescue your friends who had abandoned you to go on a ski-trip,but declined their request to join them because Rachel didn't want you to go.When you cancelled your show just to take Rachel to the doctor and then take care of her,you looked more than a geek to me,you are such an awesome person,you are so cool,mature.There is one thing that you have taught me,not to take drastic steps when you open up your heart to someone,and don't be in a relationship just because he said he understands you.Because relationships take more than understanding to suffice,they require trust,love and patience.And when you didn't pursue your relationship with Rachel's sister because Rachel would feel hurt,and because you didn't want to lose her forever,I could see the man who speaks more from his heart,who thinks so much but always fails in love.Man,you are a geek,you fulfilled your childhood dream to be a paleontologist,you might have heard a few snide remarks for your choice of career,and your continuous lectures on dinosaurs,but I would have loved to listen to those,because I am a freaking wikipedia too.I love you Ross,for being the person you are,for not sacrificing the goodness inside you,for giving priority to the people who mean a lot to you,and being the emotional one in the group,who always ends up getting hurt.You deserved so much better than Rachel,but I guess she loved you enough to give up her dream career at Paris.I wish I had someone in my life too who I could tell that "get off the plane" (well no one ever got on an actual plane),but it is so hard to be the person who is always right,but loses everything in the end.You are such a perfect father to Ben and Emma.you love children,you love to get committed to the person you love,you love being special,boy,you are so me.But you see those are our vulnerabilities,that people take for granted,the goodness in us,the acceptance in us towards them.It's like people always feel we approve of their mis-behavior,but no we don't.Because we get hurt when they abuse us,censure us for caring for them and keep shutting us when we actually need them.Ross,you must have felt so bad when your marriage with Emily failed,but your sister found love the same night Emily left you. But,you are the man who always wins in the end.You are the ideal man,the ideal friend,the ideal husband.I don't know what happened to you and Rachel,if you actually got hitched,but I wish you all the happiness in the world.Your "unagi" skills suck though.And please don't ever play the keyboard.Haha!just kidding. Be happy and keep others happy too.

And stay just the way you are.

Fighting Section 377:Why we should leave behind our cultural delusions

A few years ago,I saw two men walking on the street holding hands,their activities and their body languages suggested that they were lovers;they were laughing to themselves,poking each other when suddenly,an old man threw a paper ball at them;he roared at them with rage,"Get out of my neighbourhood!"

I was bewildered at this behaviour towards two people who meant no harm to him.What made him so angry?Their "unnatural love"?

Everyday I see some groups raising their jhanda against love,heterosexual or homosexual.A group named Bajrang Dal once pledged to marry off couples who were found celebrating Valentine's day.

Today when I raise my voice against Section 377,a law that criminalises homosexuality,I try to understand the situation first-what are we fighting against?This section 377 or any law that bans celebration of love that exists between two people who are sexually attracted to each other?

Before we understand the situation,I need to find out the reason behind such hatred towards homosexuality.

According to famous mythologist Devdutt Pattanaik,an overview of temple imagery, sacred narratives and religious scriptures does suggest that homosexual activities – in some form – did exist in ancient India. Though not part of the mainstream, its existence was acknowledged but not approved. There was some degree of tolerance when the act expressed itself in heterosexual terms – when men ‘became women’ in their desire for other men, as the hijra legacy suggests.

The range of erotic sculptures is wide: from dignified couples exchanging romantic glances, to wild orgies involving warriors, sages and courtesans. Occasionally one finds images depicting bestiality coupled with friezes of animals in intercourse. All rules are broken: elephants are shown copulating with tigers, monkeys molest women while men mate with asses. And once in a while, hidden in niches as in Khajuraho, one does find images of either women erotically embracing other women or men displaying their genitals to each other, the former being more common (suggesting a tilt in favour of the male voyeur).

Before the colonial rule,the idea of "same sex" existed in India,but later it was called "unnatural".It was infact a product of minds that were deeply influenced by sex is sin’ stance of the Christian Bible. With typical colonial condescension, European definitions, laws, theories and attitudes totally disregarded how similar sexual activity was perceived in other cultures.

In Indian epics and chronicles, there are occasional references to same-sex intercourse. For example, in the Valmiki Ramayana, Hanuman is said to have seen Rakshasa women kissing and embracing those women who have been kissed and embraced by Ravana. In the Padma Purana is the story of a king who dies before he can give his two queens the magic potion that will make them pregnant. Desperate to bear his child, the widows drink the potion, make love to each other (one behaving as a man, the other as a woman) and conceive a child.


On the other hand,The Manusmriti scorns female homosexuals. It states, “If a girl does it (has sex) to another girl, she should be fined two hundred (pennies), be made to pay double (the girl’s) bride-price, and receive ten whip (lashes). But if a (mature) woman does it to a girl, her head should be shaved immediately or two of her fingers should be cut off, and she should be made to ride on a donkey.” There are no kind words for a male homosexual either: “Causing an injury to a priest, smelling wine or things that are not to be smelled, crookedness, and sexual union with a man are traditionally said to cause loss of caste.” And: “If a man has shed his semen in non-human females, in a man, in a menstruating woman, in something other than a vagina, or in water, he should carry out the ‘Painful Heating’ vow.” ‘Painful Heating’ vow is traditionally said to consist of cow’s urine, cow dung, milk, yogurt, melted butter, water infused with sacrificial grass, and a fast of one night.

Pattanaik says “Note that there are no threats of ‘eternal’ damnation, unlike the dogmas of Judeo-Christian-Islamic scriptures. There is nothing permanent in the Hindu world. There is always another life, another chance.”


The fact is Christians declare homosexuality to be a sin, an act hateful in the eyes of their god. There are some modern Hindu commentators who, mimicking their christian mentors, concur with them.

A.L. Basham a well-renowned Indologist remarks; The erotic life of ancient India was generally heterosexual. Homo-sexualism of both sexes was not wholly unknown; it is condemned briefly in the law books, and the Kama Sutra treats of it, but cursorily, and with little enthusiasm. Literature ignores it. In this respect ancient India was far healthier than most other ancient cultures.

Hinduism was never at par with other religions practiced across the world,it was infact much more pragmatic in its approach;it evolved with time,space and circumstances.Often the views expressed by a section of pandits were not accepted by the others.So,there is nothing conclusive about any belief-whether it is right or wrong.

Homosexuality though considered a "sin" in the Western Ideology,it was much more popular in the East.

But then why such vehemence of hatred?

There are several problems that were cited in the ancient Indian law that were faced due to homosexuality.

The problems posed by homosexuality in the Dharma Shastras (Sacred Law) are not based on moral judgements but rather legal complexities with reference to offspring and inheritance of ancestral property.

Homosexuals, along with the impotent, the childless and unmarried sons & daughters are excluded by the Sacred Law from inheriting the paternal property. Preference goes instead to the married siblings who have sons. The reasonable need for family units in ancient India was to retain the property within the family and to have it passed down to the descendants. If a homosexual inherited, it means that on his/her death the property would pass to some other family or be acquired by the government.

The second problem presented is liturgical. The essential pre-requisite for participation in many rituals is marriage. Manu states that a man on his own is not whole — he only become so, when united with a woman and children. Unmarried men and women in general may not participate in certain ceremonies regardless of their being homosexual or heterosexual.

Apart from these two cases, homosexuals have never been discriminated against nor victimised in Hindu society.

So,when some religions as rigid as Christianity evolved with time,why didn't Hinduism,which is much more logical and scientific started to become primitive in its approach?When did a progressive religion turn into an orthodox one?

Today's youths find homosexuality a rather natural one,due to "Western" influence;popular t.v shows like Game of Thrones have made homosexuality a rather common affair.Love is celebrated on the 14th of February like the Western people;pre-marital sex is practised without inhibitions.

But then,homosexuality still faces the wrath of courts and some Hindu groups who call themselves the epithets of our India culture.But we need to choose which Hinduism we need to follow?
The one that has never banned love in any form or the one that censured homosexual conduct, but also institutionalized the caste system and approved the subservience of women.

Check my original post at :WatStory