Hey Kurt!Happy Birthday.Yes,another year we spend without your pretty face while you watch over us from heaven.
How is it?Death,did it hurt?
Did you see your mother's face when you closed your eyes for the last time,did you see her running after you as you cycled for the first time,did you see your sister crying when you took away her cookies,did you see your father when he made that goofy face as you blew your birthday candles?
Did you see Tracy when she first went out with you on a date,did you see Courtney smoking up a weed as she walks around in her pregnant self-loathing demeanor,did you see Frances standing at the altar in the wedding gown,while your eyes brim with tears.
Kurt,you must feel so young right now as we slowly age in our insignificant lives,taking baby steps towards our end,do you see the cliff from where you took the leap of faith,when that bullet left your body?Did you feel like running away from that space and evade those final moments,and see your wife and daughter again.Did you try to pick up the pen and write another song about your utter abhorrence towards your existence,did you feel like strumming the guitar and say a few hateful words to the people who came to pick up your body,as it lay in a pool of blood,were you watching Courtney when she wept with your baby who didn't know she has lost a father,forever..
Kurt,sometimes I feel,I will die just like you,away from everyone that I love,I feel I will die young and unwanted just like you,I will start pitying myself,I will start ignoring the stuff I like to do,I will lock my books away.I don't sing anymore,rarely,earlier,I used to sing like a fucking radio and people could hear my voice coming out of the bathroom window.I feel like I want to hide myself from the world,did you feel like this?
But everybody says this is just a phase,there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
And it is definitely true.
The tunnel might just be longer and darker in case of some people,but it always ends somewhere bright and sunny.
You just couldn't get through that tunnel and look at the brighter side of your life.You would have been 49 today,a proud father,a successful musician,the frontman of Nirvana,one of the best bands in the world and you would have rocked the stage like old Paul McCartney.
You see life is not about the bad things after all,it's just those bad things make us more humane,those bad things give purpose to the good ones,and make us understand what is happening around us.
I am discovering myself everyday,I make so many plans,I buy new stuff,I try new clothes,I rant about my day to my friend,and in the end,it seems,my life is so much better than the others.
Kurt,you could have achieved so much,when this world started losing its sanity,and started being less optimistic,you could have entertained them with a story,"hey guys!here's a story..once I almost pulled a trigger through my brains,but I stopped myself,and look here I am alive and awake.I gave up on my drugs because my daughter wanted me to be a normal dad who helps her with her homework,and my wife asked to mow the lawn on weekends.On holidays visit my mom,dad and sister at Aberdeen and we still think about the time we were together as a family.It feels so special to be reborn again"
You know that should have been you,not the person who still survives in his 27 year old hippy image.
Anyways,I hope death is treating you well,I still listen to your songs,and so do millions of people who love you.
"I just thought to myself that in the palm of my hand,there was this one tape that had all of these memories and feelings and great joy and sadness.Right there in the palm of my hand.And I thought about how many people have loved those songs.And how many people have got through a lot of bad times because of those songs.And how many people enjoyed good times with those songs.And how much those songs really mean.I hope the people who wrote those songs are happy.I hope they feel it's enough.I really do because they made me happy.And I'm only one person"
-The Perks of Being a Wallflower
This is to you Kurt,for 5 years of your music that is still playing in a loop for more than two decades.Happy Birthday again!
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