The life I am leaving behind-through the eyes of Charlie

I finished reading "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" a few weeks ago.Most people have watched the movie,but I decided to read the original script,to get the unadulterated version of the story,free off the typical stuff that are added to make it a cult "youth" movie.

No one actually recommended me to read it,most people actually asked me to watch the movie because of the petite Emma Watson who had done shed off her Hermione Granger image and stepped into a completely different arena altogether.

Anyways,I stopped picturing them altogether while reading the novel and decided to paint a picture of those characters in my own isolated imagination,far away from the Hollywoodized rendition.

So,this is a story about Charlie,a sort of an introvert kind of a guy,who has joined high school.He lost his only friend and is now completely friendless.He isn't comfortable speaking to unknown people.He has a complicated family like most people,a brother who is into sports,a sister who is mostly busy dating.His parents are supportive with a past of their own which they try to keep away from their own children.

Charlie loved his aunt Helen the most,she made him feel loved and special,but her unfortunate death in a car accident devastates Charlie the most.While the other members move past her death,Charlie seems to remember every detail  about his aunt,he thinks about her when he is upset,alone.He visits her grave without his parents' knowledge and wishes to join her at the other side of the world.

Charlie is quite ecstatic and at the same time tensed when he joins high school,he sits beside a frenzied couple at a basketball match-Sam and Patrick.To his utter surprise,they are step-siblings and they welcome him to their crazy world of booze,music and friends.Charlie visits parties with them,passes out and views things he is not accustomed to.He discovers that Patrick is secretly a homosexual,in love with another guy named Brad.He sees them making out but Patrick asks him to keep quiet as society finds homosexuality unnatural.He watches a girl getting raped by her boyfriend.He falls in love slowly with the enigmatic Sam.

They together listen to the most amazing songs,he gives a glimpse of the music in the 90's,that includes my own favorite "Nirvana".Patrick and Sam were a huge fan of Nirvana.They make mixed tapes out of their favorite songs and gift them to each other.Sam and Patrick introduce Charlie to their favorite song "Asleep" by the Smiths and Charlie can't stop listening to it.

Even I can't..

"Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I
I want to go to bed

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone
Don't try to wake me in the morning
'Cause I will be gone
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go

...


There is another world
There is a better world
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well..."

Death is the theme and death is what Charlie relates to most,because Aunt Helen is dead.I kind of feel sorry for him at that time,when he says,he listens to "Asleep" in a loop.How does it feel when the person who loved you the most goes away forever?And you could never say goodbye?It reminds me of my brother who died in the most unfortunate way.Life is so strange and unpredictable,ghastly and ugly. Nothing actually seems to fit in,when one thing comes,something else is missing.

When Charlie kisses Sam,she tells him "I want you to know that the first person who kissed you,loved you"

Sam loves Charlie,more in a childish affectionate way,but Charlie aches for Sam.He finds her the most beautiful.

Sam starts dating another guy,but Charlie doesn't feel jealous him,he is happy for Sam,because she is in love.But he only wants him to be more attentive to Sam,to listen to the wonderful things she has to say,the way Charlie listens to her when she talks and watches her as she smiles.

His love is seemingly innocent and beautiful,the way we feel about the person we desire the most,but can't get.

I used to love someone too in high school,but he used to date another girl.It was weird that while other people bitched about her infront of me,I defended her saying "She is a nice person,he loves her,she makes him happy".I never tried to confront him but loved him immensely in the deepest corner of my heart.

Well,thats what love actually is,it is selfless and weird.It is when you offer your umbrella to that person when it is raining,an check on him if he is sick and make sure that he has reached home safely.It is about listening to his favorite songs and watching his favorite actor's movies even though you despise them.It is about listening to him speak about the stuff he loves,even if you have no interest in them.It is always about the little things that make a huge difference.

And the amazing books Charlie reads along with his teacher Bill.

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald

A Separate Peace by John Knowles
Peter Pan by J. M. Barrie
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger
On the Road by Jack Kerouac
Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs

Walden by Henry David Thoreau
Hamlet by William Shakespeare
The Stranger by Albert Camus
The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand





 I just wish I had an amazing teacher like Bill who could give me great life advice like "Charlie,we accept the love we think we deserve" when Charlie tells him about his sister being in an abusive relationship and yet not having the courage to abandon the guy because she is love with him.

Charlie starts dating the geeky Mary Elizabeth but he realizes he doesn't love her even though she is an amazing person.He only loves Sam but he doesn't want to be single.

He breaks up with her after he kisses Sam in a truth and dare game.

It is like my whole life in a nutshell.

Liking people who never liked me back,being liked by people who I never liked back and liking people who liked me back,but eventually things didn't work out.

There was a time when I felt stupid and guilty for actions,for being impulsive and jumping into decisions without thinking about the consequences.

But then I see Charlie,a bright student who does the same stupid things.

He allows his gay friend to kiss him because he didn't want to upset him,even though he knew it was wrong.

You see,life isn't perfect,flawless,there are is no such thing as doing the right thing always.Yes,it makes more sense,when we make mistakes,because we all want certain things at a certain point of time and we don't want it anymore.Sometimes,we crave for the things we know are impossible to achieve,but that's what makes us human.

We are all bound to do some drunken mistakes,fall crazily in love with someone,think about someone who is not alive although it is useless thinking about him or her.

The thing is our life is not just lived for some purpose,sometimes things just happen.And they give life a certain edge,they make our life so very beautiful that we forget what is going to happen in the future.

At the end of the book,when Charlie and Sam make love,but Sam has to leave for her college.Charlie has to move on with his life.I realize,that I am past those stages where I used to take hasty decisions,when I could just do silly things and not bother about it.I am grown up,I will be joining the corporate world very soon,will be earning my own money,I will have to take decisions that not only affect my own life but others' too,I will be given certain responsibilities and I will have to prove myself worthy of them.

I have just started to miss my student life now,the good old days are gone and I am a working adult now.

A  new chapter begins, a new life beholds, a new journey awaits ....

Bye,bye,bye old me....

 

The depiction of women in Indian entertainment

How many times have you wondered this-What the hell is going on?

The woman wakes up in the morning heavily clad in gold jewelery,designer sarees.

Another woman sets the room on fire to purposely defame the other daughter-in-law

The mother forcefully marries off her son to another woman because she doesn't like the way his son's girlfriends walks.

The man gets married multiple times,divorcing women out of ridiculous excuses.

Here is an article written by me for "Youth Ki Awaaz",against the mindless tv shows, and the utterly tasteless portrayal of women  in those shows,the regressive nature of the content to gain TRPs from the mass audience who enjoys watching women cooking and serving their in-laws and getting evicted from the house for speaking to another man.

Enough is enough I say!

Read it:
Why Indian TV’s ‘Vamp’ Needs To Make An Exit, And Take The ‘Adarsh Bahu’ With Her

Shame

She smiles at him.He looks at her.She gives her an alluring glance as she crosses her legs while his glance remains fixated on her skirt.She gets up,she flaunts a big diamond ring,he follows her but she gets lost in the crowd.He sighs with exasperation,as his eyes frantically search for the stranger girl.

He has spent nights alone in his apartment,watching porn in his laptop,masturbating more than often,and avoiding his sister who calls every morning,and desperately seeks his help.He walks around at night like a predator in the body of a gentleman and hunts for women he can have sex with.He doesn't look for the warmth of a human company,he only seeks the pleasures of being entwined with a naked body.He can't sleep as he pictures his colleague naked in bed with him,but cannot approach her out of intimidation.

"Shame" is  a movie about a topic that is spoken in hush hush,a man in his 30s dealing with his sex addiction all by himself,he wants to get rid of it,but it keeps on dragging him deeper into the abyss.He alienates himself from his surrounding world where people go for relationships;instead he chooses to have cam sex with girls on porn channels,and sleep with prostitutes.He cannot have sex with the woman he actually admires,and he loathes himself for that.

He doesn't feel the need of a wife or a lover.But in his insides he is a soul in search of another soul who can understand his agony.

He keeps his sister away from his life,but eventually he has to confront her about his problems when she finds him in an inappropriate position in the bathroom.She tries to help him,and asks him to help her get through her depression,but instead he puts his feet down.He turns her away and behaves like an escapist every time she approaches him to help him out,he doesn't give a damn about her presence in his life.

But then one night when he is away from his home,in his usual hunt for women,and ends up having sex with a man,he runs back home.He cannot reach his sister,she doesn't return his calls,he feels scared of losing the only person he cares for.

She has committed suicide.He sees her hands that are bleeding,her body lying in a pool of blood,he cries and cries,holds her body against his and tries to stop the bleeding.

She survives,but he feels helpless.A man who has no one is this world except for his sister,a man who pries on women like a wolf,but has a heart inside that weeps for comfort.And love,endless love.

He breaks down,he knows the world will desert him if they know who he is,what he is.

"Shame" is a movie that speaks about those people who we call perverts,horny guys who get turned on at the sight of women,who keep loads of magazines at home,keep nude pictures of women in the closet,cannot feel comfortable with women who desire them truly,it is about those men who need psychological help,support from their families to get over this addiction.

It gives us a clearer picture of a society,that is so sophisticated in the outside,but insides they hide their disorders,their ugly habits and inhuman desires.

It encourages us to take a step forward and express ourselves,so that we don't forever live in the darkness of these hidden identities,to break the taboo around speaking about things that shouldn't be addressed in  public.

It is a movie that deserves appreciation from every viewer for making this seem natural and curable.

Thanks to Michael Fassbender,for being such a realistic portrayal of Brandon.I honestly believe he deserves more appreciation than what he has gotten till now.The amount of diligence he shows towards the art,is beyond our reach of understanding.He shows what profanity is supposed to look like,real,haunting and something that deserves sympathy and not an eye of ignorance.

Well,I personally think everyone should watch this.It's not a movie,it's a true story,of thousands of people.

To the one who still sings in whispers

Hey Kurt!Happy Birthday.Yes,another year we spend without your pretty face while you watch over us from heaven.



How is it?Death,did it hurt?



Did you see your mother's face when you closed your eyes for the last time,did you see her running after you as you cycled for the first time,did you see your sister crying when you took away her cookies,did you see your father when he made that goofy face as you blew your birthday candles?

Did you see Tracy when she first went out with you on a date,did you see Courtney smoking up a weed as she walks around in her pregnant self-loathing demeanor,did you see Frances standing at the altar in the wedding gown,while your eyes brim with tears.

Kurt,you must feel so young right now as we slowly age in our insignificant lives,taking baby steps towards our end,do you see the cliff from where you took the leap of faith,when that bullet left your body?Did you feel like running away from that space and evade those final moments,and see your wife and daughter again.Did you try to pick up the pen and write another song about your utter abhorrence towards your existence,did you feel like strumming the guitar and say a few hateful words to the people who came to pick up your body,as it lay in a pool of blood,were you watching Courtney when she wept with your baby who didn't know she has lost a father,forever..

Kurt,sometimes I feel,I will die just like you,away from everyone that I love,I feel I will die young and unwanted just like you,I will start pitying myself,I will start ignoring the stuff I like to do,I will lock my books away.I don't sing anymore,rarely,earlier,I used to sing like a fucking radio and people could hear my voice coming out of the bathroom window.I feel like I want to hide myself from the world,did you feel like this?



But everybody says this is just a phase,there is always light at the end of the tunnel.



And it is definitely true.



The tunnel might just be longer and darker in case of some people,but it always ends somewhere bright and sunny.



You just couldn't get through that tunnel and look at the brighter side of your life.You would have been 49 today,a proud father,a successful musician,the frontman of Nirvana,one of the best bands in the world and you would have rocked the stage like old Paul McCartney.



You see life is not about the bad things after all,it's just those bad things make us more humane,those bad things give purpose to the good ones,and make us understand what is happening around us.



I am discovering myself everyday,I make so many plans,I buy new stuff,I try new clothes,I rant about my day to my friend,and in the end,it seems,my life is so much better than the others.



Kurt,you could have achieved so much,when this world started losing its sanity,and started being less optimistic,you could have entertained them with a story,"hey guys!here's a story..once I almost pulled a trigger through my brains,but I stopped myself,and look here I am alive and awake.I gave up on my drugs because my daughter wanted me to be a normal dad who helps her with her homework,and my wife asked to mow the lawn on weekends.On holidays  visit my mom,dad and sister at Aberdeen and we still think about the time we were together as a family.It feels so special to be reborn again"



You know that should have been you,not the person who still survives in his 27 year old hippy image.


Anyways,I hope death is treating you well,I still listen to your songs,and so do millions of people who love you.

"I just thought to myself that in the palm of my hand,there was this one tape that had all of these memories and feelings and great joy and sadness.Right there in the palm of my hand.And I thought about how many people have loved those songs.And how many people have got through a lot of bad times because of those songs.And how many people enjoyed good times with those songs.And how much those songs really mean.I hope the people who wrote those songs are happy.I hope they feel it's enough.I really do because they made me happy.And I'm only one person"

-The Perks of Being a Wallflower

 

This is to you Kurt,for 5 years of your music that is still playing in a loop for more than two decades.Happy Birthday again!

 Take care!

A Letter to Ross

Dear Ross,

You are my favourite.Why?Because I am the Ross in real world,well female Ross.When I see people mocking you for being divorced thrice,I see the pain inside you,because I have had failed relationships,I have lost friends.I see a person in you who has always given more importance to others' happiness,understood others and kept aside his own feelings.I felt so proud of you when you walked Carol down the aisle,like her true family and handed her over to her lover,Susan,the woman who had cost you the love of your life.It takes so much courage to give away someone who belonged to you once.I saw you giving up Emily to protect your friendship with Rachel,because hey!she might be one hell of a bitch,but yeah,she still means a lot to you.After all,you were on a break.And no one gets it.When you drove your car all the way just to rescue your friends who had abandoned you to go on a ski-trip,but declined their request to join them because Rachel didn't want you to go.When you cancelled your show just to take Rachel to the doctor and then take care of her,you looked more than a geek to me,you are such an awesome person,you are so cool,mature.There is one thing that you have taught me,not to take drastic steps when you open up your heart to someone,and don't be in a relationship just because he said he understands you.Because relationships take more than understanding to suffice,they require trust,love and patience.And when you didn't pursue your relationship with Rachel's sister because Rachel would feel hurt,and because you didn't want to lose her forever,I could see the man who speaks more from his heart,who thinks so much but always fails in love.Man,you are a geek,you fulfilled your childhood dream to be a paleontologist,you might have heard a few snide remarks for your choice of career,and your continuous lectures on dinosaurs,but I would have loved to listen to those,because I am a freaking wikipedia too.I love you Ross,for being the person you are,for not sacrificing the goodness inside you,for giving priority to the people who mean a lot to you,and being the emotional one in the group,who always ends up getting hurt.You deserved so much better than Rachel,but I guess she loved you enough to give up her dream career at Paris.I wish I had someone in my life too who I could tell that "get off the plane" (well no one ever got on an actual plane),but it is so hard to be the person who is always right,but loses everything in the end.You are such a perfect father to Ben and Emma.you love children,you love to get committed to the person you love,you love being special,boy,you are so me.But you see those are our vulnerabilities,that people take for granted,the goodness in us,the acceptance in us towards them.It's like people always feel we approve of their mis-behavior,but no we don't.Because we get hurt when they abuse us,censure us for caring for them and keep shutting us when we actually need them.Ross,you must have felt so bad when your marriage with Emily failed,but your sister found love the same night Emily left you. But,you are the man who always wins in the end.You are the ideal man,the ideal friend,the ideal husband.I don't know what happened to you and Rachel,if you actually got hitched,but I wish you all the happiness in the world.Your "unagi" skills suck though.And please don't ever play the keyboard.Haha!just kidding. Be happy and keep others happy too.

And stay just the way you are.

Fighting Section 377:Why we should leave behind our cultural delusions

A few years ago,I saw two men walking on the street holding hands,their activities and their body languages suggested that they were lovers;they were laughing to themselves,poking each other when suddenly,an old man threw a paper ball at them;he roared at them with rage,"Get out of my neighbourhood!"

I was bewildered at this behaviour towards two people who meant no harm to him.What made him so angry?Their "unnatural love"?

Everyday I see some groups raising their jhanda against love,heterosexual or homosexual.A group named Bajrang Dal once pledged to marry off couples who were found celebrating Valentine's day.

Today when I raise my voice against Section 377,a law that criminalises homosexuality,I try to understand the situation first-what are we fighting against?This section 377 or any law that bans celebration of love that exists between two people who are sexually attracted to each other?

Before we understand the situation,I need to find out the reason behind such hatred towards homosexuality.

According to famous mythologist Devdutt Pattanaik,an overview of temple imagery, sacred narratives and religious scriptures does suggest that homosexual activities – in some form – did exist in ancient India. Though not part of the mainstream, its existence was acknowledged but not approved. There was some degree of tolerance when the act expressed itself in heterosexual terms – when men ‘became women’ in their desire for other men, as the hijra legacy suggests.

The range of erotic sculptures is wide: from dignified couples exchanging romantic glances, to wild orgies involving warriors, sages and courtesans. Occasionally one finds images depicting bestiality coupled with friezes of animals in intercourse. All rules are broken: elephants are shown copulating with tigers, monkeys molest women while men mate with asses. And once in a while, hidden in niches as in Khajuraho, one does find images of either women erotically embracing other women or men displaying their genitals to each other, the former being more common (suggesting a tilt in favour of the male voyeur).

Before the colonial rule,the idea of "same sex" existed in India,but later it was called "unnatural".It was infact a product of minds that were deeply influenced by sex is sin’ stance of the Christian Bible. With typical colonial condescension, European definitions, laws, theories and attitudes totally disregarded how similar sexual activity was perceived in other cultures.

In Indian epics and chronicles, there are occasional references to same-sex intercourse. For example, in the Valmiki Ramayana, Hanuman is said to have seen Rakshasa women kissing and embracing those women who have been kissed and embraced by Ravana. In the Padma Purana is the story of a king who dies before he can give his two queens the magic potion that will make them pregnant. Desperate to bear his child, the widows drink the potion, make love to each other (one behaving as a man, the other as a woman) and conceive a child.


On the other hand,The Manusmriti scorns female homosexuals. It states, “If a girl does it (has sex) to another girl, she should be fined two hundred (pennies), be made to pay double (the girl’s) bride-price, and receive ten whip (lashes). But if a (mature) woman does it to a girl, her head should be shaved immediately or two of her fingers should be cut off, and she should be made to ride on a donkey.” There are no kind words for a male homosexual either: “Causing an injury to a priest, smelling wine or things that are not to be smelled, crookedness, and sexual union with a man are traditionally said to cause loss of caste.” And: “If a man has shed his semen in non-human females, in a man, in a menstruating woman, in something other than a vagina, or in water, he should carry out the ‘Painful Heating’ vow.” ‘Painful Heating’ vow is traditionally said to consist of cow’s urine, cow dung, milk, yogurt, melted butter, water infused with sacrificial grass, and a fast of one night.

Pattanaik says “Note that there are no threats of ‘eternal’ damnation, unlike the dogmas of Judeo-Christian-Islamic scriptures. There is nothing permanent in the Hindu world. There is always another life, another chance.”


The fact is Christians declare homosexuality to be a sin, an act hateful in the eyes of their god. There are some modern Hindu commentators who, mimicking their christian mentors, concur with them.

A.L. Basham a well-renowned Indologist remarks; The erotic life of ancient India was generally heterosexual. Homo-sexualism of both sexes was not wholly unknown; it is condemned briefly in the law books, and the Kama Sutra treats of it, but cursorily, and with little enthusiasm. Literature ignores it. In this respect ancient India was far healthier than most other ancient cultures.

Hinduism was never at par with other religions practiced across the world,it was infact much more pragmatic in its approach;it evolved with time,space and circumstances.Often the views expressed by a section of pandits were not accepted by the others.So,there is nothing conclusive about any belief-whether it is right or wrong.

Homosexuality though considered a "sin" in the Western Ideology,it was much more popular in the East.

But then why such vehemence of hatred?

There are several problems that were cited in the ancient Indian law that were faced due to homosexuality.

The problems posed by homosexuality in the Dharma Shastras (Sacred Law) are not based on moral judgements but rather legal complexities with reference to offspring and inheritance of ancestral property.

Homosexuals, along with the impotent, the childless and unmarried sons & daughters are excluded by the Sacred Law from inheriting the paternal property. Preference goes instead to the married siblings who have sons. The reasonable need for family units in ancient India was to retain the property within the family and to have it passed down to the descendants. If a homosexual inherited, it means that on his/her death the property would pass to some other family or be acquired by the government.

The second problem presented is liturgical. The essential pre-requisite for participation in many rituals is marriage. Manu states that a man on his own is not whole — he only become so, when united with a woman and children. Unmarried men and women in general may not participate in certain ceremonies regardless of their being homosexual or heterosexual.

Apart from these two cases, homosexuals have never been discriminated against nor victimised in Hindu society.

So,when some religions as rigid as Christianity evolved with time,why didn't Hinduism,which is much more logical and scientific started to become primitive in its approach?When did a progressive religion turn into an orthodox one?

Today's youths find homosexuality a rather natural one,due to "Western" influence;popular t.v shows like Game of Thrones have made homosexuality a rather common affair.Love is celebrated on the 14th of February like the Western people;pre-marital sex is practised without inhibitions.

But then,homosexuality still faces the wrath of courts and some Hindu groups who call themselves the epithets of our India culture.But we need to choose which Hinduism we need to follow?
The one that has never banned love in any form or the one that censured homosexual conduct, but also institutionalized the caste system and approved the subservience of women.

Check my original post at :WatStory

The world needs us

"Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake."

-Rabindranath Tagore


The world of a writer is unbiased and translucent.

A few days ago,I had visited the 2nd Edition of the Kolkata Bloggers' Workshop held on the occasion of the Apeejay Kolkata Literary Festival;listening to prominent bloggers who had shaped their lives in the light of words was a refreshing experience.Every blogger comes from a different background,someone is an engineer,someone is a flight-attendant;someone is a homemaker,but writing had united all of us,that day and we had all pledged to change the world through our writings,inspire the people who fear to write to rise up and shine.

One of the topics that came up during the discussion was the unfortunate murders of the Bangladeshi bloggers, who had dared to go against the tide and express their views against the religious fundamentalism.The exiled author Taslima Nasreen has spent half of her lifetime outside her homeland in order to avoid the same fate as these bloggers.But is this the end to writing?

This century has observed the rise of atheists all over the world;every person who had once adhered to a set of beliefs,has refused to be blindfolded by the lies preached by orthodox priests and live a life on their own terms.

I believe that in order to write you need to be an atheist.

By atheist I do not mean the traditional atheist who doesn't believe in god,but who doesn't believe particularly in anything that people consider true,blindly-a writer needs to cross the boundaries of faith,one needs to sacrifice the burden of religion and god and find the truth,the eternal truth without any social inhibitions.

Writers don't seek the refuge of political parties to flourish,nor do they seek permission from a community to publish their views.There was once this novel called "The Satanic Verses" that was banned,it never got published but today's rebellious generation of non-believers has fought for freedom of expression and has been able to sell copies of the e-book on the internet.

There is a dialog from the movie "Nirbashito-a woman has no country",
"in between the sword and the pen,it is the sword that always wins".
We often speak about the strength of pen,how it is mightier than the sword,the pen inspires,encourages,frees the minds,but the sword takes lives.But writings transcend life;you can destroy a life,but the thoughts live on.Think about the Vedas;they were never written but they have been transferred through voice;how century-old knowledge has never died with the death of their authors is a wonder.


Life is nothing but a small part of the infinite timeline,but knowledge conquers the brevity of life;it only proliferates with time,no sword can destroy it.



 As I have mentioned before,the world needs us,it needs our voice to end the corruption around us,it needs us to behold the light in the times of darkness,every time the world takes a step back towards primitivism,we swear to restore normality by pouring words of wisdom,modernism and freedom.

To be a writer we need to be belligerent in our hearts,but tender in our language.

Someone once said,life is not counted by days but what we do with the time that is given to us.So,it's important to abandon the comfort of appeasements and write.

Stop hiding in the shadows and start writing.

Write my friend,write.

Farewell to Severus Snape

It's been such a heavy week,first David Bowie,now Alan Rickman.

I find it so strange to feel remorse for someone's death,a person whom I have never met,but who has established such an eternal connection with people who have viewed him.I am at a loss of words to write something extremely poignant,a verbose piece on how Alan Rickman forever curved a niche in our hearts as the much hated and later loved Professor Severus Snape.

Alan Rickman's journey as Severus has been so realistic,that I can picture him standing infront of me,louring at me with his piercing black eyes,as I read his lines.Professort Snape has died thrice till today,first in the book 9 years ago,then in the movie and now,he is gone forever.

Remember when Sirius died,and Harry wondered whether he would appear in that two sided mirror again.I just wish our world had been same as the magical world where there would be a resurrection stone to bring back the dead,a mirror to make us see the the deepest desires in our deluded hearts,and someone like Severus Snape who had actually loved someone deeply,desperately forever,even after death.

Alan Rickman made us loathe Snape for serving Voldemort with utter blindness in his initial years but later turning onto the brighter side after losing the one person who he had loved.The transformation,the gray shades in his black draped character were so prominent,the scene where he grabbed Lily close to his heart,as if to make her listen to his pounding heartbeats,was so hauntingly beautiful that it makes me cry every damn time I watch it.I wait with my eyes wide open to see him say "Always" and waive his wand into the silver doe patronus,I want to feel the regret of misunderstanding him,when he holds Harry for the last time and asks him to look into his eyes.Harry must have felt guilt and a sense of honor at the same time,when he became the last person who Snape saw before he breathed his last.

I often used to wonder that somewhere down the road,Alan Rickman and Severus Snape would actually become the same.And they definitely became the same.Alan had been suffering from Cancer for a long time,but the world never had a hint about it.He had been so much dedicated to his character that he had never allowed himself to be viewed as a fallen legend.He was immensely strong,on and off screen.He made me realize that not every person is not fortunate enough to embrace the light,but love is enough to stop us from losing to the dark.Snape gave me an assurance that there are guardian angels in our world who thrive in the shadows,but hold up the lamp to give us the light,he made me believe that even the ice can fall in love with the fire,that that braver souls do not make a noise,they wait for death with their arms spread.

Sir you will be missed more than you can even imagine,today,I can put you in the same pedestal as the late Heath Ledger,you immortalized Severus Snape,and you will be loved for being who you were,for believing in Severus just as Dumbledore did.