The Gift

Cathy was lying in her bed staring blankly at the walls.It was almost time for her lunch but she wasn't  feeling hungry.He roommate Nirmala had to be admitted to the hospital yesterday.Her heart problems had resurfaced.Cathy knew there were little chances of her survival,not because she was very old but she had wished to die earlier.Nirmala would say "Life has been wonderful to me once but I have nothing to live for now.it's better I die a peaceful death soon."And she would whisper some words in Sanskrit which Cathy didn't understand.Well,none of the inhabitants of this place had anything to live for.They had all been abandoned by their families and so they were here.Together,they prayed,they sang,they ate and sometimes looked at the gates if a familiar face could be seen looking for them.Days turned to months,and months became years.But there was no sign of anyone.People died and more people joined.There was never any dearth of time.They were taked care of,they had everything they needed,well, of course not everything. What does one need when he grows old? Family,some grandchildren and finally death in the arms of their own children.That would be a death one desires,not a death within the walls of an old-age home where people waited for years before they closed their eyes, what kind of dignity is there in this death?what peace?what assurance?who will cry at the funeral?It's just death and then nothing.

Cathy got up and sat on the bench that overlooked the river.That was the only place where she found a bit of solace.Today she found another man siting there.He was about 30 and this was the first time she had seen someone so young in the home.She asked him "Are you looking for someone?" He replied "Oh no,madam.Please sit.".He moved aside and made space for her.Cathy looked at him with curious eyes but he simply smiled at her."I am Rajesh.What's your name,madam?". "I am Cathy Adams". "So,tell me about yourself,Cathy. You look interesting to me". Cathy laughed. "What interesting things could you find about an old woman living in an old-age home?" "You had a life before you came here.Tell me about that." It had been a long time since someone had asked her about her past-life.She started telling. "I was born in a Catholic family in Pondicherry.My father was a French man and my mother was an Anglo-Indian.I was their only child and they pampered me with everything.Beautiful tailor-made gowns,dolls,chocolates from all over the world. Sometimes father would take me on voyages,well,he was a sailor.I visited many cities and one day I met Russell.He used to stay at Kolkata.Oh!he was one handsome man.Wherever he would go,women would look at him.Russell was my first love.We got married at Kolkata in 1955.After a few days of our marriage,my father died.My mother passed away as she couldn't bear the grief.I was orphaned but I had a loving husband.He used to  bring home records of Johnny Cash and Elvis Presley on his way back from his trips.We would dance and drink wine and make love.Our love flourished everyday.We went for our honeymoon in Kashmir.And there I had my baby.My only baby,Peter.Oh what joy could one have when she holds her little baby and can feel his heart beating.I can still see him smiling in his sleep.He would never leave my finger till he fell asleep.Sometimes he would make cute little noises in his sleep. It was the most beautiful melody in the world.Russell and I took him to Dehradun to Russell's ancestral place.That was the perfect place for him to grow up.The hills,the fountains,the birds,the flowers.My baby was the happiest child in this whole world.And I was the happiest woman.I have been blessed with the loveliest of all creations of the Almighty. And then the day came when Russell died.He was buried at Dehradun next to his parents.Peter was 5 years old then. He would ask me where his Daddy went. And I would say his Daddy was in a happier place.And he would say,how can he be happy without us?How could I lie to him?I kissed him and asked him to promise me that he would never leave me alone.And he said,Mum,I cannot go anywhere without you.I won't leave you  like Daddy.And I cried.From that day  I secretly made a promise never to let him go.I used to work as a nurse in the hospital.Peter used to live with the neighbours till I came back.I taught him how to dress like a gentleman,how to be polite,to respect women.Peter was handsome like Russell.He was like a magnet.He would attract everyone wherever he went.He was kind,gentle and adorable.Teachers loved him,neighbors worshiped him.And for me he was the reason to live,to die.I could make myself miserable for his happiness,in him,I found my God.Peter wanted to study abroad.So,I saved all the money I had earned for his education.When he was 20,he went away abroad.He got admission at Oxford.He used to send me letters saying that it was the best place he has ever been to. He wanted me to go there sometimes.But I never had time.And there wasn't much money left in the bank.But I decided not to trouble him with my problems.I gave up every penny I earned to provide him with new clothes every year.And one day, his letter came. It said "Mum,I am getting married.Her name is Daisy.I wanted you to be there at the wedding,but,Daisy said she couldn't wait anymore.Give us your blessings,I will be back home soon to meet you.Regards from Daisy." There was a picture of him and his bride-to-be inside the envelope.And I threw it away in rage.I couldn't bear the fact,that woman snatched away the most precious thing in my life.I wished his marriage ended soon and he came back here to live with me again.But I was wronged.He never came back nor did I hear back from him again.I used to send him letters and he would give me no reply.Sometimes he would reluctantly answer back saying he was fine.And he had a son.He would never ask me how I was.What had become of me without him? I cursed myself for being such  a selfish bitch.Suddenly I remembered my boy's promise. But that promise was just a mindless rambling of a little boy to console his mother.That day,I realized I had lost everything.And I came back to Kolkata selling everything I had.And after some years.I joined this home.This is my life now.I still wait for Peter sometimes.But now,I only wish him happiness and I hope my grandson would know that his granny loves him too."

Cathy stopped.She had been speaking at a stretch for a long time.She looked at the stranger who had been listening to her since half an hour."Miss.Cathy,do you know all the precious and great things are lonely in this world?Look at the river,the mountains,the moon.How sad and lonely!".Cathy asked "But you didn't tell me anything about you.Why are you here?This is not a place a young man like you would prefer." Rajesh said"This is exactly the place where I wanted to be.This is the place I built with my own hands.This is the place where I want to grow old someday and then die.I know I sound delirious.But it's true. I was a boy with no one years ago.My mom was a whore and my dad an alcoholic.They sold me to some factory owner when I was just 4.I worked like a dog for years.I never went to school and I never had anything to eat except stale bread.I didn't get enough sleep.The machines would wake me up at 5 in the morning and our day would start.There were other kids too,some had to work here to help their families,some had lost their parents in an earthquake,some had been sold just like me.My master would whip me if I stopped to take rest.And I would suppress my pain.Who was there to hear me cry?We were free on Sundays.Then we would go to the market place to have good food.Then I would see kids with their mothers.How they used to cry till they got what they wanted.I searched for my mother at times.I didn't even know where she lived.But I remembered her face.And I still remember her face.I loved her but she had never loved me.And then an NGO rescued us,they fed us good food,educated us.I loved to study.I enjoyed the smell of new books.I loved to study history and geography. I could know about people and places.Whenever someone new came, I would ask him or her to tell me stories.I would listen with rapt attention.I would draw pictures in my head about the places he was talking about.And when I grew up,I joined the Oil company.I had to sit at the desk and supervise people.I never hurt them.I took care of them.I listened to their problems and with all the money I built this old-age home.I named it after my mother.And with time all these people became my parents.Whenever I come here,they give me good food,they would feed me hand-made pickle and I just feel the greatest joy in the world.How it feels to be someone's child.Miss.Cathy,you lost your child and I lost my parents.They may not be dead,but we are dead to them.I lost the reason to live when I was just a child.But God gave me a thousand reasons to live years after that.They gave me not one,but so many parents.And I am lucky to be their child.So,why shouldn't I be here Miss.Cathy?"

Cathy had no words.Till now,she only had regrets.But she realized that she wasn't the only one in this world who was lonely..She looked at Rajesh and saw a strange delight in his face.She realized she has done nothing to deserve this loneliness.And now she has it,she would rather cherish it as a gift.She remembered those lines from Ruskin Bond's book which she used to read after Peter left:

                                 " The pure,the bright,the beautiful,
                               That stirred our hearts in youth,
                               The impulse to a wordless prayer,
                               The dreams of love and truth;
                               The longings after something lost,
                               The spirit's yearning cry,
                               The striving after better hopes...
                               These things can never die"
                                                     
                                                              Sarah Doudney